DATING IN THE GAMER SUBCULTURE
Gamer dating can be SUPER rocky for geeks, nerds, and dweebs. All you have to do is overcome the 3 challenges with these simple tricks.
© Buzzy Multimedia
Written by Theresa Bane (Love Guru To Gamers
Dating tips for gamers
Before anyone raises an eyebrow, I am both a die hard gamer and a nerd. Allow me to present my Credentials:
– In 1980 I was 11 and my mom was my first DM
– I was a member of the Dungeons and Dragon Club in High School
– I still have my very first set of dice
– There are two sets of mechanical pencils in the house: one is strictly for gaming with, the other is strictly for doing math at my desk
– There is one entire room in my home where the walls are lined with bookshelves filled with gaming books and other relevant reference tomes. This room also holds a long, thick, wooden table which seats 8. It was the dining room table that my husband gamed at when he was a kid.
As you may have noticed in the above, I have casually slipped in the fact that I am married, so that also means that I know what I am talking about enough to successfully date; be wooed by; get and remain happily married. We’ve been together for going on 17 years, married 15 of them.
I will admit, I have been out of the dating scene for a while, but love is timeless, and what worked 20 years ago pretty much works today. All you have to do is overcome the 3 challenges detailed below.
Society has done its ever-loving best to see to it that the stereotype of the uber geeky and socially inept, non-bathing gamer has been perpetuated. Society has been so successful in doing this because we, the gamers, have been too busy leveling to really do anything about it.
It’s hard to meet like minded folks when you’re a gamer. As a rule, we keep to ourselves and prefer the company of computers, books and games to humans who do not prefer the company of computers, books and games. Ergo, the best place to meet some is in a place that sells computers, books, and or games. Your gaming shop, comic book store, and major chain book store with a coffee shop built into it are all great places to look for that special someone.
All you have to do is in a non stalker way, causally approach the person you would like to get to know better and start a conversation with them. It really is that easy. The hard part comes with not overwhelming them and freaking them out right off the bat. Remember, you are a stranger to them, a stranger who has approached them and took an interest in a thing they thought they were doing alone and unwatched. They have to be OK with the fact that you were spying on them. Disarm their fear by acting the way they think a normal person acts. Ask leading questions and learn to be a listener. This way when you ask them out it won’t make them want to alert Mall security.
EXAMPLE: To be used in a book store:
You: Hey, I read Jim Butcher too. Did you know there are audio books for the Dresden Files?
The Other: No, really?
“You: Yea, James Marsters does a great job reading it. You should hear him do Toot-Toot!
The Other: Oh really, I love Toot-Toot! I bet its awesome.
You: Yea. There supposed to be like 25 books in all. Were do you see the series going?
The Other: “-gives some long response you nod and agree with letting them talk for as long as they want to-”
You: That’s neat. Let’s grab some coffee over there, I have a feeling Jim is going to kill off one of the main characters in the next book.
The Other: OMG? Who?
You: -Pick a character, and smiling like you know something lead the way.-
See, its that easy.
Society is not totally to blame. You have done your part as well. But that was in the past. From now on, things are different, if this were a movie there would be a montage happening now. Or, if you prefer, if this were a video game, you would lower your controller and fixate on the amazingly well animated cut scene.
You must do your part to arouse interest in a potential significant other. Just as in nature the male must prove he is worthy by some means, be it nest building, head butting or presenting a beautiful array of tail feathers. You too will have to be at least quasi presentable.
Cleanliness is next to Godliness, and the stinky kid on the bus gets no nookie. Keep your hair neat and trim, No, it need not be frosted or salon styled every morning, but wash it about four or five times a week. Brush it daily.
When you leave the house wear clothes that suite your body type, that are clean and fairly unwrinkled.
Pay attention to the social behaviors of people you respect or admire and emulate them. You never see Captain Picard fart or pick his nose or adjust himself in front of a lady, and neither should you. Cookie Monster grabs the plate of cookies and double fists them into his mouth. You are not Cookie Monster. Offer to others first and then take two at most, with a napkin.
When you implement these changes, do so gradually. Nothing is more painful to watch than someone who does everything all at once because society will single him out like a wounded gazelle on the Serengeti and taunt him for trying to better himself. Society is mean like that. Rather, start with a new hair do. A week later, start wearing some new clothes. All the while, improve you social habits, even if its something small, like saying Hello to someone as you pass them in the hall. It’s a subtle way to say “look at me, my DNA is worthy of passing on to a future generation.” What took a few weeks to cultivate will cause society to suddenly see you for the first time as a prospective mate. Now, it’s not creepy and weird when you ask someone out on a date.
EXAMPLE of a BAD attempt:
Potential S.O 1: Is that Bob over there?
Potential S.O 2: OMG, it is, who the hell does he think he’s trying to impress?
Potential S.O 1: Not me! Just because he showered this month and has on a clean shirt that does not impress me.
Potential S.O 2: I know, right. You can still see the fold marks in his shirt.
EXAMPLE of a GOOD attempt:
Potential S.O 1: What do you think of Bob?
Potential S.O 2: I don’t know, he’s quiet, but polite and dresses neatly.
Potential S.O 1: I know. And a little cute too, right?
Potential S.O 2: Yea, I guess so.
Potential S.O 1: I’m gonna ask him to help me life something heavy.
Potential S.O 2: You’re such a flirt!
No matter how knuckle headed the other person is, do not become loud enough to cause others to have to suffer the other guys ignorance as well. Show the world that you are not only the smarter person but the cooler and more gracious one as well – agree to disagree and walk away. You and I both know Spike could so kick Angel‘s ass, but that doesn’t mean we must prove it to anyone who sees things differently. Some people just enjoy being contrary. Whether you are in a comic book store or at a con, remember, you aren’t the only one there trying to have a good time. It is not all about you. And, after a heated exchange like that, no one is ever going to approach you and want to hook up. It has never happened, it never will happen. If you want to flame, there are websites and online forums for that sort of behavior.
Basically, that’s it. But if you only take one thing away from this blog take this: You have to put yourself out there, you have to take a chance. No one will ever get to know the wonderful and smart and funny person you are if you hide yourself away and never take a chance. No one wants to be alone, but some people resign themselves to settling for it because they think that they are too fat or too skinny, or too smart, or just plain undeserving. None of that is true. You are deserving, but you have to take a chance. There are three things you already have in common with every single person on the planet: you all love something, you all lost something, you all want something.
And if there is a second thing you can take from this blog, let it be the part about showering, because it’s summer time, and spritzing your clothes with Fabreeze is not the same as taking a shower with soap and water.
Theresa Bane – qtr – T